A Hard Post To Write

Nov 2, 2023 | 57 comments


I haven’t been putting much from my life on here for a while and that’s because some pretty difficult stuff has been going on.

My eldest daughter has been having health issues for a few years now – pretty serious ones.

Tracey Hibbett - full face

Very briefly – she has a serious problem with her back, but needed to lose weight so the required operation could be done. She tried and tried, but in the end went with bariatric surgery. That resulted in sepsis, and the scans for that showed suspicious shadows.

Two little lentil sized ones ended up with her getting most of one lung removed. I was shocked by that and couldn’t understand why such little shadows meant such a big removal. Suspicions began to form.

After recovering from that, she needed a hysterectomy for abnormal thickening. And after recovering from THAT, she had to have her gall bladder removed. The professionals were saying that all these things were not connected, but by now, I wasn’t believing that.

All was going swimmingly, as best as it could in the circumstances and reassurances were given at every stage that everything was caught really early. So when she and her husband went for what they thought was a routine follow up one day in May, they were shocked to the core to be told that she was stage 4, and nothing more could be done. The prognosis was 6 months and we’d be lucky to still have her by Christmas.

My lovely daughter is now a very sick woman and I can’t believe we haven’t got her for much longer. It’s utterly heart breaking. I’m struggling with the grief, breaking into tears at the drop of a hat, just typing this is through tears.

We had a family Christmas a few weekends ago, and this picture was taken then. The day utterly wore her out. The smiles hide a lot of pain, physical and emotional.

I’ve been spending a lot of time at her house, making the most of the time we have left.

I miss talking to you guys, so I’ll try and start posting updates of what’s happening more often. Mostly much lighter than this one!

Lesley and her two daughters.





  1. Thrifty Lesley

    Thanks Sue. I’ll be down there again tomorrow> I still can’t quite believe that in a short time she won’t be there

  2. Thrifty Lesley

    Thanks Nicki. I’m spending as much time with her as I can

  3. Sue

    I was so sorry to read about this, briefly on Facebook and now in more detail here. She has been through so much, as have you all. All that I can do is send you every scrap of my love and say that you and all your family are in my thoughts at this heart-breaking time. Make the most of every precious second you have together and forget al l about social media. With love. xx

  4. Nicki

    Lesley I read your post with great sadness. What a terrible blow for your family. My thoughts are with you and hope that you can spend precious time together, making memories that will last forever.

  5. Thrifty Lesley

    Thanks P J. I appreciate the support

  6. Thrifty Lesley

    Thanks Caroline, and hello neighbour! I need all the hugs I can get right now

  7. Thrifty Lesley

    Thanks Jacki, me and the girls have had some pretty tough times to get through already. This is so much worse

  8. Thrifty Lesley

    Thanks Susan – no, it most certainly isn’t fair

  9. Thrifty Lesley

    Thanks Kath, I appreciate the support

  10. P J WOODS

    So sorry to hear about this My best wishes go to you and your family

  11. Caroline Brooks

    Lesley, what terrible, terrible news. I am so sorry to hear about your daughter, I just can’t imagine what you and your family are going through now.

    I have followed your blogs for a while now, and feel I know you – especially as you used to live down the road from me in Leigh and are not too far away in Heathfield. Whenever we pass through that way I think of you.

    Please know that I will be thinking of you and sending virtual love and hugs.

    Lots of love

    Caroline xx

  12. Jacki Graham

    Losing your child is the worst possible thing anyone can imagine. It changes both you and your life . One thing I found was it made me less fearful. I know that nothing in future can ever be as bad as the death of my son so do your worst. I’ll survive. Sending you strength and love Lesley, but I can tell you have both in droves xxx

  13. mrs susan j maltby

    I am so sorry for your family….life isnt fair sometimes

  14. Kath

    Sending hugs and comfort to you all..
    Spend as much time as you can with your Daughter Lesley.. We will all be here when you are ready to pick up where you left off.
    You are in my thoughts and I wish I could magically take the heart ache away.
    Keep strong xxx

  15. Thrifty Lesley

    Thanks Dawn, I spend a lot of time with her while I can

  16. Thrifty Lesley

    Thanks Anne-Marie, I need all the hugs I can get atm

  17. Thrifty Lesley

    Thanks Selena. So sorry to hear about Dad, difficult times. Hope the biopsy comes back with good news

  18. Ms Dawn Gatrell

    Heartbreaking news. Hope you can spend as much time as possible with your daughter and….and…. that’s it! Sending love. xx

  19. Ann-Marie Osmond

    So sorry to hear your news Lesley.
    Sending strength and a virtual hug to you and yours. X

  20. Selena Ritson

    Hi Lesley,
    I have followed your posts for a few years now, and I am so sorry to be reading this extremely sad news.
    I myself have had bariatric surgery, and also have a thickened womb wall.. which I am now awaiting the results of the biopsys.
    Just 10 days ago we found out that my Dad has Stage 4 Lung Cancer, which due to his age of 85, is untreatable – but never should a parent
    have to say Goodbye to a child, and I am so very very sorry Lesley.
    Lots of Love and hugs to yourself, your husband and your daughter. x

  21. Thrifty Lesley

    Thank for the support Jean

  22. Jean

    I am so sorry. My thoughts and love go out to you and your family.

  23. Thrifty Lesley

    Thanks Pat, I appreciate it

  24. Thrifty Lesley

    Thanks Kath. Spending as much time as I can with her

  25. Thrifty Lesley

    Thanks Annabel. Yes, trying to store up memories

  26. Thrifty Lesley

    Thanks Lynda. I really need that support right now

  27. Thrifty Lesley

    Thanks Pat. It’s horrendous

  28. Pat

    So so sorry Lesley. I have no words but send love and strength to you x

  29. Kerstin

    Dear Lesley, i am a nutrition scientist and want you to know, there us always healing possible. If the statistics say, someone has so and so many days left, that means, that is what they expect. It is not set in stone. There are always people healing from the worst things. If you want to not give up. You can google “Chris beat cancer” to see some examples. I myself can offer some help too, if you want it. I understand that everybody has to choose their own way to cope with such hard things . I wish you all the best! Kerstin

  30. Kath Brown

    Time with you daughter , is more important than this page Lesley . Massive hugs thinking of you xx

  31. Annabel

    So sorry to hear this Lesley – I lost my daughter at 27 nearly 13 years ago and understand something of what you are going through. All you can do is love your times together no matter how long. One day at a time x

  32. Lynda Swan

    I can’t think of anything to say that hasn’t been said before Lesley, except that your friends are here for you, and I know you are putting on a very strong and brave front.
    On the days when you can’t do that, and want to rage or weep, please be assured you can call your friends for support! Life is cruel, as I know only too well, but don’t ever feel you have to suffer alone. Xx

  33. Pat Parker

    Absolutely heartbeaking and a mothers worst nightmare. It brings me to tears even reading this because as a mother, we put ourselves in your shoes. I lost my nephew this year to cancer too and there is always such a huge empty space when we lose someone. Losing a child is the worst ever and just not the natural way of things.
    Spend as much time as you need with your loved ones, the rest really loses its value, doesn’t it in these situations.

  34. Thrifty Lesley

    Thanks Vicki – I’m very aware of time passing atm, and how very little there is for us

  35. Vicki

    Never easy when a loved one has a terminal condition and no one expects their child to die before them . There are no words but make the most of every day . And never mind the posts ! We will still be here for you .

  36. Thrifty Lesley

    Thanks Karen – it’s an absolute nightmare, everything is revolving around time spent with her right now

  37. Thrifty Lesley

    Thanks Mary – I’m trying to spend as much time with her as I can

  38. Karen

    I’m sorry sorry to hear this. I lost my Mum recently and am slowly coming to terms with it
    …..but the thought of losing a child must be so hard on you and the rest of your family. Please stop posting and just live with the time you have left with your daughter.

  39. Thrifty Lesley

    Thanks Jane – she is about 10 years old in my head. I have a favourite picture of her from when they were little, and no matter how old they get, that’s how I think of them

  40. Mary Reed

    I’m so sorry Lesley. Make the most of every second with her. Love and prayers for you all. Mary

  41. Thrifty Lesley

    Thanks Ruth – I appreciate your support

  42. Thrifty Lesley

    Thanks Natalie – I really need that strength right now

  43. Thrifty Lesley

    Thanks Chris – It’s so much the wrong order of things. I’m lucky enough to still have my mother, who is 96.

  44. Jane

    So very sorry to hear this. There can be no pain worse than watching our babies suffer. Sending you all love and strength in this difficult time xxx

  45. Ruth

    Oh Lesley what sad news. My heart goes out to you all. Be assured of my thoughts and prayers. XX

  46. Natalie

    I cannot fathom what you are all going through. There are no words, just heartfelt strength and love to send through the ether for now and times ahead. Bless you all x

  47. Chris

    So sorry to hear your sad news – no mother should have to go through this.Love and prayers

  48. Thrifty Lesley

    Thanks Ulvmor, I’m spending as much time as I can with her

  49. Ulvmor

    I’m so sorry. There are times when there are no right words. I hope that your time together will be filled with love.

  50. Thrifty Lesley

    Thank you. We are making as many memories as we can, but of course, it will never be enough

  51. Thrifty Lesley

    Thank you Sue. It feels like talking to friends.
    It really is very sad, and painful

  52. Mum

    Lesley, I am so, so sorry to read this. My heart aches for you. Enjoy every moment, make as many happy memories as you can. You are in my prayers xx

  53. Sue

    I enjoy your blog so much and I feel like I know you in a funny way just like a friend. Life can be very cruel and I just wanted to say I’m sorry this sadness has come to you

  54. Thrifty Lesley

    Thanks Val, any support is valued right now

  55. Thrifty Lesley

    Thanks Angela, that means a lot

  56. Angela Almond

    Lesley I am so sorry to read this post.
    My heart is aching for you all. You have many followers out there in blogland who I am sure will feel the same.
    Although the quantity of life left is short, may its quality be good
    Words seem trite – but know that she [and you] are loved and precious

  57. Val Darbyshire

    I wish my thoughts could help you all. Sending love and virtual hugs. Xxxxxx

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